Facts About Girl

Girl Facts

when a girl is mean to you after a break-up
she wants you back but she is too
scared she'll get hurt and knows
you're gone forever!

when you catch a girl glancing at you,
she wants you to look back
and smile

When a girl bumps into your arm,
while walking with you
she wants
you to hold her hand

When she wants a hug
she will just stand there

When u break a girls heart
she still feels it when
you run into each other 3 years later

When a girl is quiet,
millions of things are running through her
mind..

When a girl is not arguing,
she is thinking deeply,,

When a girl looks at you with eyes full of
questions,
she is wondering how long you will be
around

When a girl answers, "I'm fine," after a
few seconds,
SHE IS NOT FINE AT ALL

When a girl stares at you,
she is wondering why you are playing games

When a girl lays her head on your chest,
she is wishing for you to be hers forever

When a girl says she can't live
without you,
she has made up her mind that you are
her future

When a girl says, "I miss you,"
no one in this world can miss you more
than that

Kasih Seorang Ayah

“Burung apa?”
“Burung murai.”
“Burung apa?”
“Burung murai.”
“Burung apa?”
“Burung murai.”

Demikian antara ungkapan sebuah iklan terkenal di kaca TV suatu masa dahulu yang mendapat perhatian rakyat Malaysia. Dialog yang menyentuh hati antara seorang anak dengan ayahnya ini sangat sesuai untuk didedikasikan kepada masyarakat sempena Hari Bapa. Mesej yang hendak disampaikan cukup jelas, mampu meruntun hati dan jiwa anak-anak yang sebahagiannya mungkin terlupa bagaimana lelaki bernama Bapa atau Ayah membesarkan mereka.

Sketsa bermula apabila seorang bapa yang uzur bertanya kepada anaknya, yang sudah berkerjaya dan berkeluarga, akan nama seekor burung yang dilihatnya. Anaknya menjawab lembut, “Itu burung murai, abah.”

Tiba-tiba ayahnya bertanya soalan yang sama dan dijawab lagi oleh anaknya. Kali keempat ayahnya bertanya, nada jawapan si anak mula berubah. “Abah... abah ni tak dengar atau sengaja buat-buat tak dengar? Kan saya dah beritahu tadi, itu burung murai.”

Sambil tersenyum si ayah menghulurkan diari milik Almarhum isterinya kepada si anak. “Nah, cuba baca apa yang Mak kau tulis.”

Si anak menyambut diari tersebut lalu membacanya. Ibunya mencoretkan bagaimana bahagianya dia melihat suaminya yang jarang berada di rumah melayan kerenah anak sulung mereka di halaman. Tiba-tiba si anak terlihat seekor anak burung murai terjatuh dari sarangnya. Dia pun menjerit memberitahu ayahnya lalu bertanya, “Abah, itu burung apa?” Ayahnya menjawab, “Burung murai, nak.”

“Burung apa?” tanya si anak lagi.
“Burung murai,” jawab si ayah.
“Burung apa?”
“Burung murai, sayang”

Si anak terus mengajukan soalan yang sama berulang-ulang kali, namun ayahnya tetap setia menjawab tanpa jemu.

Begitulah antara sketsa kasih sayang seorang ayah terhadap anaknya yang dipaparkan kepada kita. Kalau kasih ibu dikatakan membawa ke syurga, bagaimana pula kasih ayah? Ya, ada orang berkata, kasih ayah tetap hangat di mana-mana. Memang benar. Lantaran seorang ayah selalu dikaitkan dengan orang yang mencari rezeki dalam keluarga, setiap langkahnya untuk mendapatkan sesuap nasi pasti telah diniatkan sejak awal untuk menyara keluarganya, memberi makan isterinya dan membesarkan anak-anaknya, demi Allah.

Bayangkanlah dalam sebuah keluarga yang hanya si bapa bekerja, sudah tentulah bapa ini bertungkus-lumus membuat kerja itu dan ini, sepenuh masa dan separuh masa, sepenuh hati dan separuh mati, semata-mata untuk mendapatkan rezeki yang halal. Bayangkanlah para bapa yang ditugaskan di luar daerah atau luar negara untuk satu jangka masa yang lama. Perasaan rindu terhadap keluarga, rumahtangga dan kampung halaman terpaksa dipendamkan demi kerjaya. Semuanya dilakukan demi kasih sayangnya terhadap isteri dan anak-anak. Apatah lagi seorang bapa yang beriman, pasti besar impiannya untuk melihat anak-anak yang dididiknya berjaya menjadi insan yang soleh dan solehah. Pasti tinggi cita-citanya untuk menyaksikan zuriatnya menjadi pewaris yang memimpin dunia ini ke mercu kehidupan yang diredhai dan diberkati Ilahi.

Terima kasih Ayah, Abah, Apak, Papa, Abi, Bapak, Daddy..... Kami mendoakan semoga Allah memanjangkan umurmu. Biarpun dirimu telah pergi, nama dan kebaikanmu tetap hidup sepanjang usia. Kami mendoakan semoga Allah mengampuni dosamu dan mengasihanimu sebagaimana dirimu mengasihi kami sejak kami kecil sehingga sekarang.

Ya Allah, terimalah segala amalan kebaikan bapa kami dan tempatkanlah dia dalam kalangan orang-orang yang mendapat kasih sayang-Mu. Amin.

source : www.malaysiaharmoni.com

father love

George Strait A Father's Love Lyrics

I got sent home from school one day with a shiner on my eye
Fighting was against the rules and it didnt matter why
When Dad got home I told that story just like Id rehearsed
Then stood there on those trembling knees and waited for the worst

And he said, Let me tell you a secret, about a fathers love
A secret that my daddy said was just between us
He said daddies dont just love their children every now and then
It's a love without end, amen, its a love without end, amen

When I became a father in the spring of 81
There was no doubt that stubborn boy was just like my fathers son
And when I thought my patience had been tested to the end
I took my daddys secret and I passed it on to him

And I said, Let me tell you a secret, about a fathers love
A secret that my daddy said was just between us
I said daddies dont just love their children every now and then
It's a love without end, amen, its a love without end, amen

Last night I dreamed Id died and stood outside those pearly gates
When suddenly I realized there must be some mistake
If they know half the stuff I done theyll never let me in
Then somewhere from the other side I heard these words again

And they said, Let me tell you a secret, about a fathers love
A secret that my daddy said was just between us
You see daddies dont just love their children every now and then
It's a love without end, amen, its a love without end, amen

BAGAIMANA MENGAWAL MARAH

Sifat pemarah itu berasal daripada sifat sombong (ego). Lagi besar
ego seseorang lagi besar marahnya. Ini berkaitan pula dengan
kedudukan seseorang. Kalau tinggi kedudukan seseorang, besar
pangkatnya, banyak hartanya, ramai pengikutnya, maka akan tinggilah
ego seseorang dan akan menjadi-jadilah pemarahnya. Sebaliknya jikalau
kurang
segalanya, maka akan kuranglah egonya dan akan kurang jugalah
pemarahnya.

Sifat pemarah ini ada pada hampir semua orang seperti juga hasad
dengki. Kenapa kita mesti marah ? Telah berkata Mujahid di dalam
sebuah bait syair : "Takdir Allah telah putus dan putusan Allah
telah terjadi. Istirehatkan hati dari kata-kata "Barangkali" dan
"Kalau".

Setiap kelemahan dan kesilapan manusia adalah ujian untuk kita.
Allah mahu melihat bagaimana sabarnya kita dan malunya kita kepada
Allah dengan mengucapkan " Inna lillahi wainna lillahi raji'un.".
Pernah ditanya Ahnaf bin Qais, bagaimana dia boleh mengekalkan
sifatnya yang lemah lembut itu. Ahnaf menjawab : " Aku belajar
dengan Qais bin Asim iaitu pada satu hari sedang berehat-rehat,
masuk hambanya membawa panggang besi yang berisi daging panggang
yang masih panas. Belum sempatdaging itu diletakkan dihadapan Qias,
tanpa sengaja besi pemanggang yang panas itu jatuh terkena anak kecil
Qais.
Menjerit-jeritlah si anak, kesakitan dan kepanasan sehingga
meninggal dunia. Qais yang melihat peristiwa itu dengan tenang berkata
kepada hambanya yang sedang pucat dan menunggu hukuman " Aku
bukan sahaja tidak marah kepada kamu tetapi muali hari ini aku akan
membebaskan kamu." Begitulah sopan santunnya dan pemaafnya Qais bin
Asim" Kata Ahnaf mengakhiri ceritanya.

Bukannya Qais tidak menyayangi anaknya tetapi Qais memandang segala
kejadian itu adalah dari Allah. Jikalau dia bertindak memarahi
hambanya, maka hakikatnya dia memarahi Allah. Dia redha dengan
ujian yang ditimpakan kepadanya. Tidak ada di dalam kamus hidupnya
perkataan kalau atau barangkali. Hatinya tidak terasa dia " tuan"
kerana apa yang ada padanya dirasakan amanah dari Allah. Yang bila
sampai ketikanya Allah akan ambil kembali.

Kita mesti ubati hati kita. Kita kita mesti membuangkan rasa rasa
"ketuanan" kita yang menyebabkan kita menjadi pemarah dengan
melakukan mujahadatun nafsi. Di antara langkah yang perlu kita
hadapi untuk menghilangkan marah ialah :

a) Mula-mula kita perlu malu dengan Allah s.w.t akan segala
tindak-tanduk kita. Allah memerhatikan segala perlakuan dan sikap
biadab kita.

b) Bila datang rasa hendak marah, ingatlah kita ini hanyalah manusia
yang hina.

c) Banyakkan berdiam diri dan berdoa kepada Allah agar Allah
selamatkan kita daripada sifat marah.

d) Hendaklah ingat kesan daripada sifat marah itu mungkin akan
membawa kepada permusuhan dan pembalasan dendam dari orang yang anda
marahi.

e) Cuba bayangkan betapa buruknya rupa kita ketika kita sedang
marah. Ianya lebih buruk daripada perlakuan seekor binatang jikalau
anda di dalam keadaan yang marah.

f) Apabila datang marah, banyakkan baca Ta'awwuz ( A'uzubillahi
minas Syaitanirrajim ) kerana marah itu datangnya daripada syaitan.

g) Apabila marah sedang memuncak, ambil wudhu keranawudhu dapat
menenangkan api kemarahan yang sedang membara.

h) Jikalau tidak boleh hilang marah dengan hal tersebut di atas,
hendaklah tidur. Kerana ianya akan meredakan perasaan marah apabila
bangkit daripada tidur

i) Tauhid kita perlu tepat. Setiap sesuatu itu datangnya dari Allah
dan akan kembali kepada Allah. Kenapa kita perlu marah.

Kalau kita bersalah, kita tidak suka orang memarahi kita. Maka
begitulah orang lain yang melakukan kesilapan, juga tidak suka
dimarahi. Tegurlah dengan lemah lembut dan kasih sayang.

Sumber : Forum myMasjid

How to Express Difficult Feelings

Feelings Versus Thoughts and Beliefs

Feelings and thoughts are different, but also are one and the same. They are like the head and tail of a coin. We react to events with both thoughts and feelings. Feelings are emotions, and sensations, and they are different from thoughts, beliefs, interpretations, and convictions. When difficult feelings are expressed, the sharp edges are dulled, and it is easier to release or let go of the bad feeling. If we only express our beliefs about the event and not the feelings, the bad feelings linger and are often harder to release. Whenever someone says, "I feel that..." the person is about to express a belief, not a feeling.

Guidelines For Expressing Feelings

	Try to be specific rather than general about how you feel. Consistently using only one or two words to say how you are feeling, such as bad or upset, is too vague and general. What kind of bad or upset? (irritated, mad, anxious, afraid, sad, hurt, lonely, etc.).
	Specify the degree of the feelings, and you will reduce the chances of being misunderstood. For example, some people may think when you say, "I am angry" means you are extremely angry when you actually mean a "little irritated".
	When expressing anger or irritation, first describe the specific behavior you don’t like, then your feelings. This helps to prevent the other person from becoming immediately defensive or intimidated when they first hear "I am angry with you", and they could miss the message.
	If you have mixed feelings, say so, and express each feeling and explain what each feeling is about. For example: "I have mixed feelings about what you just did. I am glad and thankful that you helped me, but I didn’t like the comment about being stupid. It was disrespectful and unnecessary and I found it irritating".

Techniques for Expressing Feelings

The two following - I feel statements and I messages will help you:

	Express feelings productively.
	Respectfully confront someone when you are bothered by his or her behavior.
	Express difficult feelings without attacking the self-esteem of the person.
	Clarify for you and the other person precisely what you feel.
	Prevent feelings from building up and festering into a bigger problem.
	Communicate difficult feelings in a manner that minimizes the other person’s need to become defensive, and increases the likelihood that the person will listen.

When you first start using these techniques they will be cumbersome and awkward to apply, and not very useful if you only know them as techniques. However, if you practice these techniques and turn them into skills, it will be easy for you to express difficult feelings in a manner that is productive and respectful.

Which of the two methods you use for expressing your feelings should depend on your goal, the importance or difficulty of your feelings and the situation.

1. I feel statements are used in situations that are clear and fairly simple, when you what to express yourself and avoid a buildup of feelingswithout attacking or hurting the self-esteem of the other.
2. I messages are used in more complex situations to clarify for yourself and the other person just what you are feeling when a) you have difficult negative feelings, b) you confront someone and want them to change their behavior, and c) it is very sensitive and important that the other person accurately understand.

I Feel Statements

These statements take the form of "When you did that thing I felt this way.That thing is a behavior of the other person, and this way is your specific feelings. Here are some examples:

"I felt embarrassed when you told our friends how we are pinching pennies."

"I liked it when you helped with the dishes without being asked."

"I feel hurt and am disappointed that you forgot our anniversary".

I Messages

It is called an I message because the focus is on you, and the message is about yourself. This is in contrast to a You message which focuses on and gives a message about the other person. When using I messages you take responsibility for your own feelings, rather than accusing the other person of making you feel a certain way. A You message does not communicate a feeling, but a belief about the other person. The essence of an I message is "I have a problem", while the essence of a You message is "You have a problem".

There are four parts to an I message:

1. When ... Describe the person’s behavior you are reacting to in an objective, non-blameful, and non-judgmental manner.
2. The effects are ... Describe the concrete or tangible effects of that behavior. (This is the most important part for the other person to understand - your reaction.)
3. I feel ... Say how you feel. (This is the most important part to prevent a buildup of feelings.)
4. I’d prefer ... Tell the person what you want or what you prefer they do. You can omit this part if it is obvious.

The order in which you express these parts is usually not important. Here are some examples:

	" When you take company time for your personal affairs and then don’t have time to finish the urgent work I give you, I get furious. I want you to finish the company’s work before you work on your personal affairs."
	"I lose my concentration when you come in to ask a question, and I don’t like it. Please don’t interrupt me when I am working unless it is urgent."
	"It is very hard for me to keep our place neat and clean when you leave your clothes and other stuff laying around. It creates a lot more work for me and it takes a lot longer, and I get resentful about it. I’d prefer that you put your clothes away and put your trash in the basket."
	"I resent it when your flirting with the women keeps you from having time for your work, because it means more work for me."

Common Mistakes

Not expressing a feeling at all, expressing a belief or judgment.

Sending a disguised You message.

Only expressing negative feelings.

The nonverbal body language contradicting the words. For example, smiling when irritated.

Practice these techniques and turn them into useful skills. Make it easy for yourself to spontaneously express difficult feelings in a manner that is productive and respectful.

source : Larry Alan,Ph.D. Clinical Psychologist Marriage & Family Therapist

Feelings Word List

Positive Feelings

Intense

loved, adored, idolized, alive, wanted, lustful, worthy, pity, respected, empathy, awed, enthusiastic, zealous, courageous

Strong

enchanted, ardor, infatuated, tender, vibrant, independent, capable, happy , proud, gratified, worthy, sympathetic, important, concerned, appreciated, consoled, delighted, eager, optimistic, joyful, courage, hopeful, valiant, brave, brilliant

Moderate

liked, cared for, esteemed, affectionate, fond, excited, patient, strong, gay, inspired, anticipating, amused, yearning, popular, peaceful, appealing, determined, pleased, excited, jolly, relieved, glad, adventurous, peaceful, intelligent

Mild

friendly, regarded, benevolent, wide awake, at-ease, relaxed, comfortable, content, keen, amazed, alert, sure, attractive, approved, untroubled, graceful, turned on, warm, amused, daring, comfortable, smart, interested

Negative Feelings

Mild

unpopular, listless, moody, lethargic, gloomy, dismal, discontented, tired, indifferent, unsure, impatient, dependent, unimportant, regretful, bashful, puzzled, self-conscious, edgy, upset, reluctant, timid, mixed-up, sullen, provoked

Moderate

suspicious, envious, enmity, aversion, dejected, unhappy, bored, forlorn, disappointed, wearied, inadequate, ineffectual, helpless, resigned, apathetic, shy, uncomfortable, baffled, confused, nervous, tempted, tense, worried, perplexed, troubled, disdainful, contemptuous, alarmed, annoyed, provoked

Strong

disgusted, resentful, bitter, detested, fed-up, frustrated, sad, depressed, sick, dissatisfied, fatigued, worn-out, useless, weak, hopeless, forlorn, rejected, guilty, embarrassed, inhibited, bewildered, frightened, anxious, dismayed, apprehensive, disturbed, antagonistic, vengeful, indignant, mad, torn

Intense

hate, unloved, abhor, despised, angry, hurt, miserable, pain, lonely, cynical, worthless, impotent, futile, accursed, abandoned, estranged, degraded, humiliated, shocked, panicky, trapped, horrified, afraid, scared, terrified, threatened, infuriated, furious, exhausted

source : Larry Alan,Ph.D. Clinical Psychologist Marriage & Family Therapist

Romantic Love Quotes

Other men said they have seen angels,
But I have seen thee
And thou art enough.
~ by G. Moore ~

I would fly you to the moon and back if you'll be . . . if you'll be my baby.
~ From a song by Savage Garden ~

I love you - those three words have my life in them.
~ by Alexandrea to Nicholas III ~

What lies behind us, and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
~ by Ralph Waldo Emerson ~

I have been astonished that men could die martyrs for their religion -
I have shudder'd at it.
I shudder no more.
I could be martyr'd for my religion
Love is my religion
And I could die for that.
I could die for you.
~ by John Keats ~

I'd like to run away
From you,
But if you didn't come
And find me ...
I would die.
~ by Shirley Bassey ~

When you love someone, all your saved-up wishes start coming out.
~ by Elizabeth Bowen (1899-1973) ~

The greatest thing you'll ever learn
Is to love and be loved in return.
~ From "Unforgettable with Love" by Natalie Cole

Soul meets soul on lover's lips.
~ by Percy Bysshe Shelly ~

I have found men who didn't know how to kiss.
I've always found time to teach them.
~ by Mae West ~

Three passions have governed my life:
The longings for love, the search for knowledge,
And unbearable pity for the suffering of [humankind].

Love brings ecstasy and relieves loneliness.
In the union of love I have seen
In a mystic miniature the prefiguring vision
Of the heavens that saints and poets have imagined.

With equal passion I have sought knowledge.
I have wished to understand the hearts of [people].
I have wished to know why the stars shine.

Love and knowledge led upwards to the heavens,
But always pity brought me back to earth;
Cries of pain reverberated in my heart
Of children in famine, of victims tortured
And of old people left helpless.
I long to alleviate the evil, but I cannot,
And I too suffer.

This has been my life; I found it worth living.

BERTRAND RUSSELL

FEELINGS

Author: Copyright 1996 Carol D. Meeks

I didn't know I could love 

anyone as much as I love you 

for the sound of your voice,

makes all my dreams come true. 

You walk into a room, and

I know you have arrived; 

my heart skips a beat when 

you walk up to my side. 

I hope this kind of magic stays 

forever between us two, 

and the whole wide world will 

know that God sent me you.

word of the days...

"Don't Regret loving a girl that dumbs you, Regret dumbing a girl that loved you"

♥ dont say goodbye

before u go~~~ it' ll drive me crazy, if i know~~~ jux go secretly

without let me know~~~ but never come back to me if u choose to go~~~

wish u good luck wherever u go~~~ ♥

"Love me without fear.Trust me without wondering.Love me without restrictions.Want me without demand.Accept me how I am.A love like that, will be eternal!"♥

“Tell me and I will forget.Show me and I will remember.Involve me and I will understand."

Konsep Penerimaan Manusia

Persekitaran adalah faktor yang mampu mempengaruhi emosi dan tingkah

laku seseorang individu. Ia adalah berdasarkan aspek penerimaan manusia terhadap

persekitaran. Berdasarkan model Cohen (1978) mengenai aspek penerimaan

persekitaran, didapati beberapa konsep seperti berikut:

1. Manusia mempunyai kemampuan terhad untuk memproses rangsangan dan

hanya boleh menyumbangkan usaha terhad untuk menerima input dalam satu

masa.

2. Jika input persekitaran melebihi kemampuan untuk diterima, strategi normal

yang akan dilakukan adalah dengan mengabaikan input-input yang kurang

relevan dan memberi tumpuan kepada input yang lebih penting.

3. Apabila sesuatu rangsangan yang terjadi mungkin memerlukan beberapa jenis

tindak balas penyesuaian, maka rangsangan signifikan akan dinilai dengan

proses pemantauan. Keputusannya sama ada akan berbentuk penyesuaian atau

penggunaan terhadap respon. Semakin berat beban input persekitaran, maka

semakin lebih perhatian dan tindakan penyesuaian diperlukan.

4. Kadar perhatian yang ada pada seseorang tidak bersifat berterusan dan

mungkin hanya sementara. Setelah melakukan suatu penyesuaian yang berat,

kemampuan total untuk memberi perhatian boleh terjadi dalam keadaan yang

luar kemampuan. Contoh: Setelah beberapa jam belajar dengan tekun, adalah

sukar untuk kita melakukan sesuatu yang juga memerlukan lebih perhatian.

Bagaimana Pemakanan Mempengaruhi Emosi?

Pemakanan yang seimbang dan tidak seimbang merupakan dua topik utama

dalam aspek pemakanan. Sebagaimana yang kita maklum bahawa makanan

mempunyai fungsi utama membekalkan keperluan tubuh fizikal untuk setiap organ

badan berfungsi dengan baik.

Maka fungsi badan yang utama adalah sistem saraf pusat yang melibatkan

fungsi aktif aktiviti neuron, sel dan sebagainya. Perubahan tingkah laku pada

seseorang boleh terjadi sama ada dengan pemakanan yang seimbang atau sebaliknya.

Ia adalah kerana perubahan pada tingkah laku ada hasil daripada perubahan fungsi

pada sistem saraf seseorang.

Contohnya bagi apa yang berlaku pada individu kekurangan pemakanan

seimbang. Pemakanan tidak seimbang yang dialami oleh seorang dewasa boleh

menyebabkan perubahan dalam fungsi tugasan hariannya seperti penurunan motivasi,

kepekaan mental, interaksi sosial dan juga menambahkan gangguan pada mood serta

sifat pemarah seseorang (Kanarek & Kaufman, 1991).

Penjejasan pemakanan seimbang pada kanak-kanak pula secara keseluruhan

mengganggu pertumbuhan otak dan perkembangan peringkat kanak-kanaknya.

Pertumbuhan dan perkembangan tersebut menganggu fungsi dan kemampuan sistem

saraf sehingga mengakibatkan masalah tingkah laku seperti penurunan tahap intelek,

kemunduran bidang penumpuan, lemah ingatan dan ketidak stabilan emosi (Kanarek

& Kaufman, 1991).

Emosi Dan Perkembangan

Emosi didefinisikan sebagai suatu ekspresi perasaan naluri yang kuat seperti

sayang, gembira, malu, sedih, takut dan sebagainya. Iaitu kehebatan dan kesensitifan

perasaan yang selalunya diluahkan dari dalaman kepada tingkah laku tertentu atau

cara kita menyampaikan perasaan. Perasaan-perasaan yang kuat ini akan

mempengaruhi tindak balas luaran sama ada pada perubahan tubuh fizikal terkawal

seperti mimik muka dan tidak terkawal seperti badan berpeluh kerana ketakutan.

Dalam istilah Psikologi, emosi merupakan bahasa dalaman seseorang yang

berkait rapat dengan tindak balas (fizikal) daripada sensitiviti perasaan dalaman dan

luaran (pergaulan sosial). Ia adalah suatu pergerakan dalam minda yang dikeluarkan

oleh pengaruh luaran. Minda adalah pasif dan sentiasa menerima semua yang terlintas

untuk mempengaruhinya. Apabila minda tersebut bangkit untuk menunjukkan apa

yang dirasainya, maka itulah yang dimaksudkan sebagai emosi.

Ada kalanya emosi dianggap sebagai suatu alasan yang saling berlawanan.

Sama ada beralasan untuk mengikut kehendak emosi atau tidak membiarkan emosi

menguasai diri. Demikian adalah konteks yang selalu berkaitan mengenai emosi iaitu

tentang penghasilan resolusi untuk mengawalnya.

PERKEMBANGAN EMOSI

Sejak awal kelahiran, manusia sentiasa berkembang dan terus berkembang

dalam pelbagai sudut pertumbuhan fizikal, psikologi, mental dan sebagainya. Emosi

juga adalah suatu bentuk daya kognitif yang terbentuk dan berkembang secara

peringkat demi peringkat semenjak awal kelahiran.

Emosi Idea

Secara umumnya peringkat ini menggambarkan bahawa ekspresi penyampaian

emosi adalah berada di peringkat permulaan. Manusia menyampaikan emosinya

secara tidak sedar dan ia keluar daripada naluri semula jadi bawah sedar. Seorang

kanak-kanak dapat merasakan sesuatu perasaan tetapi tidak dapat menyatakan

mengapa, bagaimana dan siapa yang menyebabkan timbulnya perasaan tersebut.

Emosi yang disampaikan lebih dalam bentuk tindak balas gerakan fizikal (Azleena &

Zainal, 2004).

Emosi Pemikiran

Emosi akan berkembang ke peringkat yang seterusnya iaitu apabila seseorang

mampu mengaitkan emosi dengan pemikiran. Pengalaman daripada apa yang dilihat,

didengar dan dialami direkodkan secara langsung sebagai reaksi emosi. Reaksi-reaksi

tersebut akan disimpan dalam memori yang akan digunakan dalam proses pemikiran

kelak (Azleena & Zainal, 2004).

Pada peringkat awal kanak-kanak, kebolehan di dalam memahami emosi dan

puncanya semakin meningkat. Pengawalan emosi kanak-kanak mula meningkat

termasuklah kemampuannya untuk menerima kekecewaan serta menjadi seorang yang

fleksibel dalam mengawal emosi dan dorongan.

Science of Love - Cupid's Chemistry

Love; what is it, where does it come from and why?

What is Love ?

The Oxford English dictionary describes love as: an intense feeling

of deep fondness or affection for a person or thing and to fall

in love as: to develop a great love for. This may well be a basic

description of what love feels like, but why do we love, what is

passion, and why is intense desire between two people sometimes

called 'chemistry'?

There are, in fact, three distinct stages of love; each with their

own characteristic emotional profile and scientific explanation.

First is lust. Lust is driven by our sex hormones testosterone

and oestrogen. These hormones are what get us 'out on the pull'.

After lust comes attraction. This is the love-struck phase; the

time when we lose our appetite, can't sleep, and can't concentrate.

This is what we know as falling in love.

When we fall in love, our palms sweat, we can stutter and become

breathless, we can't think clearly and it feels like we have butterflies

in our stomachs. This is all due to surging brain chemicals called

monoamines. They are called dopamine, norepinephrine and serotonin.

Norepinephrine and serotonin excite us, while dopamine makes us

feel happy. These love chemicals are controlled by a substance which

is also found in chocolate and in strawberries, called PEA or phenylethylamine

and it is PEA which controls the transition from lust to love. Similar

in structure to amphetamine, PEA too gives us that excitement we

crave. Indeed, some people become veritable love junkies. They need

a constant love high and go through life in a series of short relationships

which crumble when the initial chemical rush wanes. The love junky

has another problem too. We naturally build up a tolerance to these

chemicals eventually, so it takes more and more to produce that

much sought after high. Love junkies, if they stay married, are

likely to seek frequent affairs to fuel their need for the chemical

love high.

The Chemical Bond

The third stage of love is attachment - staying together. Attachment

takes over from the attraction stage and is the bond which keeps

couples together. After all, we couldn't possibly stay in the attraction

stage for ever - we would never get any work done for day dreaming.

Two different hormones are important during this phase of love.

They are oxytocin and vasopressin.

Oxytocin (the cuddling chemical) not only increases the bond between

lovers, but is also one of the chemicals responsible for contractions

during childbirth, milk expression when breastfeeding and is released

by both sexes during orgasm. The theory goes therefore, that the

more sex a couple have, the greater the bond between them. Nice

touch Mother Nature.

Vasopressin is the monogamy chemical. Only about three percent

of mammals are monogamous; mating and bonding with one partner for

life. Unfortunately, humans are not one of these naturally monogamous

animals. The prairie vole is however and it is this furry friend

which is responsible for our knowledge about vasopressin.

By isolating male voles before and after mating, scientists found

that life-long mating could be linked to the action of vasopressin.

Before mating, the vole is friendly to male and female voles alike.

Within 24 hours after mating, the male vole is hooked for life and

defends his partner jealously. The post-coital production of vasopressin

is responsible for this amorous behaviour. These little animals

also indulge in far more sex than is actually necessary to reproduce

and it was considered that the post-coital production of vasopressin

(and oxytocin) was responsible for their strong partnership bonds.

When given a compound to suppress the effect of vasopressin, the

prairie voles lose their devotion to each other and the males fail

to protect their ladies from the threat of other males. Perhaps,

therefore, we could learn something from the prairie vole. Drop

of vasopressin anybody?

Endorphins are also involved in the longevity of love. Endorphins

have the same pain-killing and pleasure-delivering properties as

their cousin, morphine, without the risk of overdose.

Choosing a Partner

Now, when it comes to choosing a partner, are we at the mercy of

our subconscious or do we make a more conscious decision?

It is to our advantage to choose a partner with the best possible

genes as these genes will be passed on to our children and ensure

they are healthy. Therefore, we naturally seek out somebody with

an immune system different to our own. Additionally, it is important

to find a mate with whose genes are also similar enough to our own

to confer a tried and tested immune system. Is this the reason we

fancy those who remind us of our parents perhaps? When we are attracted

to another person, it could be because we subconsciously like their

genes.

How do we do this? We seek and sniff out Mr Right!

Imagine an invisible overwhelming force which overpowers reason

and invites passion. A force which dictates where Cupid's arrow

will land. Cupid's chemistry. That's the power of pheromones. Pheromones

are 'smellprints', supposedly as unique as our fingerprints. Smell

is the most primitive of human senses, and pheromones, present in

underarm perspiration, are detected by a small organ composed of

a few small pits a few centimetres up the nose. The emotional reaction

they provoke can, quite literally, be a 'turn on'!

Therefore, next time you find chemistry with another person, you

really have!

- February 2006

(Claire McLoughlin is from the press and publications department of the Royal Society of Chemistry)